I’m back. And wow, has it been awhile - 16 months since the last edition of this newsletter. I’m going to start this one the same way I did the last one by saying that the last few weeks have been…something.

Way back in April of 2024, I said that “I’m not even talking about the world, I’m just talking about my world.” This time around, it’s definitely both. Before I get into it, I want to share the impetus for restarting this newsletter and what you might find here as the new edition of PLAYfree Perspectives takes shape and takes off.

My world view is shaped by a desire to see, understand, embody, and share the truth as I see it. Doing so from a place of grounding, compassion, healthy skepticism, integrity, and as much objectivity and emotional neutrality as I can manage, is the goal. Sometimes those things are easy to find; others, it’s a pretty big stretch. Some things are just too big to remain neutral. One thing that helps me is reasoning things out, and expressing that process - and whatever conclusions or learnings I come to - through writing.

And yet, along the way during the past 16 months, I’ve mostly gotten away from it. Why? Why do we stop doing things we know are good for us? You may or may not know that mindset is something that I teach; maybe you’ve also heard the expression, “we teach what we need to learn.” I realize now that what I was doing - rather than just making time to write consistently, which is the key to doing anything successfully - was waiting until I felt inspired. The problem with that approach is that inspiration is fickle - unstable - and is subject to distraction, overwhelm, and the pressures of daily responsibility.

This re-launch is my commitment to consistency in my preferred form of expression. I can’t promise a monthly offering, yet - so I’ll start with every other. As we embark (re-embark?) on this journey together, you will find my perspective on mental performance (of course), life skill development, mindset, all things sports (culture, parenting, environments, ethics, and more), education, mindfulness, and more. There may also be discussion about a current event or idea, things happening in the world that need attention, or questions/topics submitted by readers (I love these!).

What you’ll read here is my viewpoint and opinions, based on experience, education, conversations, observations, and the lens through which I see things. Some of it will be agreeable for you and some of it undoubtedly will not be. I don’t ask or expect everyone to agree with me on everything I put down here; in fact, healthy discourse, nuanced perspective, and the respectful exchange of ideas in an effort to break out of the all-or-nothing, manipulated nature of modern information, are crucial for social and intellectual health; they are also generally lacking.

I hope that this is a space that can foster some of that sense of community, not necessarily uniform in our views but connected in respect, compassion, curiosity, common humanity, and a desire to find our way to a more understanding, ethical, moral, inclusive and accepting human society. It has to start somewhere; why not here?

For other essays and links to podcasts and other media, to learn more about PLAYfree, and to get in touch with me, you can visit the website by clicking the button below.

If reading anything here inspires you to think, or you want to discuss it further, please reach out. If you know anyone who would enjoy this newsletter or could benefit from it, please forward it along. And of course, if you’re not interested, feel free to unsubscribe at the bottom of the page.

Thanks for joining in the conversation, and I hope you enjoy!

Modeling Behavior | 8.17.25

The voice your child hears the most is yours. Teachers and coaches - and the legion of voices on social media - can powerfully influence a child’s growing belief system and behavioral repertoire. And yet, most children hear their most consistent messaging, and take their most consistent cues, at the dinner table, in the car, and in their daily interactions with and observations of the adults with whom they spend the most time. For many children - especially pre-teen and younger - this means their parent(s). What a parent says becomes their child’s thoughts; what a parent does becomes the model upon which their child’s behavior is built.

In the quote above, Will Durant said that “we are what we repeatedly do,” and what we adults repeatedly do around kids is called modeling behavior. This includes words, choices, stated and demonstrated values, and actions; all of these combine to tell them what we’re really about. They also provide guidance regarding what’s moral, appropriate, and acceptable. The power of this influence cannot be understated (again, especially with younger children), and must be wielded with honest, accountable self-awareness on the part of the grown-ups.

Modeling positive behavior is among the most important responsibilities of any adult that works or lives or spends time with children.

Human beings take cues from their environment to form an understanding of social norms and of themselves; these habitual thoughts, actions, interpretations, and behaviors are given priority in the building and strengthening of neural pathways in the brain. Basically, what we repeatedly do becomes second-nature because our brain takes shape to favor those actions. The malleability - or neuroplasticity - of the child and adolescent brain is what allows kids to learn things like physical skills and foreign language more easily than adults with fully developed brains; it also means their brain structure is very susceptible to the influence in their environment. In the child and adolescent brain, new pathways are popping up all the time as learning happens on a daily basis. Habits are the result of the smoothing and strengthening of those pathways as the behavior, skill, or way of being is adopted, practiced, and integrated over time.

This incomplete development, and the uncertainty that accompanies it, are what make kids highly influenceable by the people around them. So, let me ask:

What values and behaviors are you modeling for your kid(s)?

This question is an invitation to self-reflection, and hopefully leads to the realization that as the “adults in the room,” our words and actions have to align in order for us to be taken seriously, and to set our kids up for success.

Children are keenly, relentlessly perceptive when it comes to the adults around them, and their experiences are internalized based on emotional association. Maya Angelou said that “people will never forget how you made them feel,” and this is most true with children. If I want the kids I coach - or my own kids - to learn good habits and behaviors, I have to be willing to do myself what I’m expecting of them. If I tell my child one thing, and then repeatedly do the exact opposite, how does that make them feel? And, how much credibility do I really have? If I were them, I wouldn’t take me seriously...would you?

An example for the sport parents: If I expect my child to respect the referees, but every time there’s a call that I don’t agree with, I’m yelling at that same official - who is sometimes a child themselves - from the sidelines, what behaviors am I really teaching my kid? If I tell my child that, “I just want you to have fun,” but then demonstrate - through language, behavior, and the doling out of approval - that I value them based on their performance and results (often at the expense of fun), what message are they internalizing?

A child may or may not know the word disingenuous, but they can spot it a mile away; they know what it feels like. The old “do what I say, not what I do” is just an excuse for adults to justify their own (bad) behaviors; in reality, it works the opposite way. Kids - especially teens -will often not do what you tell them to (big surprise, I know), but they will internalize what they see and hear from you - what you show them you’re about - and behave accordingly.

Kids are sponges. Embracing this truth allows adults to reflect not only on what we say we’re about, but also to show it by aligning our words and actions. It invites us to stop excusing our own bad behaviors and habits and instead to model positive change. Very often, we expect our kids to behave better than we do; this is a chance for us to get on their level.