“So, what do you do, exactly?”

The role of a Mental Performance Coach is hard to define - it’s nuanced, broad, often misunderstood and sometimes it looks like we’re just standing there watching, not actually “doing” anything. Must be nice to get paid to just watch sports, right? I can’t tell you what every MPC does when they’re at work; I can tell you that for me, the main thing I do is strive to form authentic, supportive relationships based in compassion and unconditional positive regard for the human beings in front of me. Everything else flows from that fundamental goal; what comes after that depends on what the moment needs.

The support I’m there to provide can take the form of scheduled one-on-one conversations, group workshops or discussions; classroom educational sessions, lectures, and presentations; and - not just standing around - observation of things like communication, self-talk, coaching language, body language, and how mindsets translate into behaviors at practices and games. You can learn a lot about a person or a team by watching mindfully; the idea is to use that information to know what kind of support or guidance someone(s) need. Often, it’s simply a safe, neutral space for the expression of whatever a person is dealing with in a given moment.

As with many helping professions, direct validation of the work of an MPC doesn’t come often; how, then, do I know if I’m doing a good job? As with any venture, it comes in part from external sources - I keep my job or get offered a new contract, someone compliments or thanks me for my work, or I get a call from an athlete or their parent who was referred to me by former or current client (or their parent). This last one is especially salient for me, because my business is mostly referral-based; since I still have work, I must be doing something right.

That’s all great, but just like succeeding at playing a sport, I can’t depend entirely on external validation to prove the worth of my work - or myself. Instead, the way that I really affirm the value of what I bring is through what I feel and perceive about the quality of the connections that I make.

Do I succeed at building a deep, authentic, trusting relationship with every coach and player? Of course not; I’m not the right support for everyone. And yet, the moments like the one pictured above - impromptu, brief, authentic, vulnerable, and deeply impactful - are what affirm the path I’m on.

Mental Performance Coaching has the potential - and for me, the mandate - to go beyond the the simple idea of peak performance. While performance - or the seeking of it - creates an open door for an athlete to work with someone like me, it doesn’t matter to me if you win or lose: I want you to learn. Learn self-awareness, self-efficacy, and self-determination; learn to employ neutral, strategic thinking and build emotional intelligence; learn to reach beyond what your brain tells you is possible to the potential that your body holds; learn to, understand, appreciate, value, and express yourself, and to find meaning, joy, and some levity in your dedication to what you love. I want to help you learn to direct your attention - your most powerful tool - and to focus on the small details, which are the steps that make up your path. More often than not, that path contains the performance that you are seeking…which is what brought you to my door in the first place.

If this sounds like it could help you or someone you know, come find me. The door is open.

You can find other essays and links to podcasts and other media, learn more about PLAYfree, and get in touch with me, by visiting the website. Just click the button below!

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Thanks for joining in the conversation.

Intro to The Opportunity Mindset, Part 1 | 11.15.25

Since Mindset: The Psychology of Success (Dweck, 2006), the public conversation around mindset has mostly revolved around the dichotomy of “fixed vs. growth.” A fixed mindset is characterized by the idea that my skills, talents, and abilities were determined at birth. They are built in and unchangeable; essentially, “it is what it is.” My definition of success is as narrow as can be – often reduced to a single possible outcome – and anything else is abject failure. My confidence, emotional state, motivation, self-image, and personal identity are brittle because they depend on my achievement of that one outcome, and I become focused on avoiding disappointment and failure at all costs.

This means no risks, no chances, not trying anything that I’m not already good at or that failing at will “make me look bad.” It means that I am unavailable to feedback and am always ready with an excuse for why something didn’t work or why I can’t do it; often, that excuse involves blaming an outside source for my misfortune or mistake because if it was my fault, it means I’m an unequivocal failure. I believe that makes me worthless. My fixed mindset keeps me stuck and problem-focused, I don’t learn or move forward, and I stay inside my comfort zone. Both failures and challenges are threats. 

A growth mindset, on the other hand, is characterized by a view of my own skills and abilities as changeable – improvable over time – and as a result I am open to feedback and more eager to accept a challenge. I am coachable, more psychologically and emotionally flexible, and a focus on improvement allows me to have a broader definition of success. In my quest to improve, I am willing to try something that might help me improve and grow even if I have to work to master it.

My growth mindset allows me to approach situations with a more grounded sense of present-moment reality AND optimism for the future. My motivation is more intrinsic and resilient, and my sense of agency is sourced internally. I am less likely to make excuses or externalize when I don’t succeed, and this ability to take responsibility empowers me to “fail forward” rather than allowing mistakes to paralyze or crush me. I am more likely to push the edges of my comfort zone, and I am solution-focused rather than obsessed with problems. Both failures and challenges are opportunities.

One thing to keep in mind: Mindset, like most things, exists on a spectrum. It is almost always the case that a person will be more growth-oriented about some things than about others, and where someone lands on the spectrum is influenced by their upbringing, education, culture, socioeconomic status, environment, and life experiences…

All photos and content are the intellectual property of Aaron S. Goldman and are not to be reused or reproduced without express written permission.